Dear Dreams,

Dear Dreams,

I live a different life when I’m with you.

When I go through periods of seeing you vividly it’s easy to question which life I walk in matters more.

When, in one, I can fly across endless grassy fields and fondly familiar places; when ease and intensity is the order every night, there is nothing I can compare it to. During such times, I am left with one unwavering thought. Life is as beautiful as you are. No more, no less.

When I think about how one would not exist without the other, it gets more complicated.

It gets worse when I come crashing down, into the wasteland of my own neglect. When I begin to hate reality with an undeserved bitterness, and I have to face the unreliable side of my little slice of heaven, there is nothing I want more than to loop the time we had together. Wipe my mind every time the cycle repeats itself, so you don’t lose your vitality and newness. And I can keep the danger of losing you at bay.

Some things are out of my control. You can be such an elusive creature at times. I admit, that’s part of your charm. But, the moment has come to bid adieu. I know a lot of people have missed you while you’ve spent the time with me.

This doesn’t mean I won’t see you every now and again. It just means I won’t depend on your promises and the hope you inspire. I don’t expect anything. And I promise to be surprised with every visit.

P.S- I have met no one like you in my universe.

Signed,

Awoken Anna

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Dear Nostalgia,

Why must you torment me so? You hit me when I, quite frankly, have no time for you, and I always cave- you know I do. You are the bittersweet longing that can never be satisfied, no matter how deep I bury my nose in your depths.

I don’t want to live in the past, even in my happy version of it. It’s far too beautiful and perfect to be real, and I know I’m just fooling myself. Memory is a skilled trickster and has many minions.
Of course, you have plenty of help besides your cousin- so many dangerous triggers quite apart from childhood anecdotes that are brought up during conversation.

Usually, when I revisit old favourite TV shows, songs, scents, and whatnot, I find myself still enamoured by them, notwithstanding obvious bias. Sometimes, I’m overwhelmed by a sense of despair and I wonder…Why did I expose myself to such things at such a crucial time in my life?

But, let’s face it, I barely had a chance. As a kid, everything in the world is in a race to get to you first, to win the privilege of shaping you, your personality, and your life. To claim the right to dictate your future likes and dislikes forevermore, even indirectly.

For such reasons, I obviously can’t despise you without despising who and what I am today, and contrary to what some people might believe, I have a healthy ego. Self-deprecation is just too fun to sacrifice is all. I know, I’m an expert at deviation. I blame the somewhat forced eclecticism I gained as a child.

Sincerely,                                                                                                                         Always Anna

“Nostalgia was better in the old days.”- a T-shirt

When a castle converses with a cloud

Clouds

Castle: Haven’t seen you in a while. It’s been a windy few days, hasn’t it?

Cloud: Yeah. How would you know, though? I don’t think you’ve moved an inch.

Castle: What can I say? Man made me strong. I don’t have to take nights off, either.

Cloud: (bristling) Hey! Just because you can’t see me doesn’t mean I’m not here.

Castle: That’s true.

 

As night falls…

 

Castle: Cloudy? Are you still there?

Cloud: Yep.

Castle: I thought you might have blown off by now.

Cloud: I don’t think the winds are favouring the east coast at the moment.

Castle: Right.

Cloud: What’s on your mind?

Castle: I was just wondering…..how do you do it?

Cloud: Do what?

Castle: How do you manage to exist as a metaphor for so many things? I mean, I know you have a silver lining, there are at least nine of you, and you’ve amassed an astonishingly large collection of heads.

Cloud: Ha! You forgot about me being a bad influence when I brood darkly and hover near the horizon.

Castle: I like when that happens, don’t understand why others don’t.

Cloud: (shrugs) Eh. Some people’d prefer if I didn’t exist, so they can savour the sun more. Others, or the same people at a different time, really look forward to the times I bring rain. I’m sure farmers do. And there’s probably a perfume in honour of my heavy hours- with the sweet scent of Petrichor.

Castle: I bet there is. I’m jealous.

Cloud: You do a fair amount of metamorphosis yourself. What’s the matter of the day? Sand? Glass?

Castle: It’s stone, actually. But, thanks for asking. We do a good job as metaphors, don’t we?

Cloud: Of course. You ever wonder how we’d work together?

Castle: We can always find out.

castle in the sky

 

 

And so, with a wobbly foundation, amidst azurean mist, the first castle atop a cloud was built.

 

 

Signed,

A Witness

What I’ve learned from books(it’s not what you think)

From my picture books:
Lesson: There is more than one way to see a picture, and this lets you control the story.
Interpretation: Now, when I see the bigger picture, I know I control my story.

From my drawing books/pages of drawings:
Lesson: Drawings of what I liked turned out better, and I clearly enjoyed the process of creation more.
Interpretation: I know I’ll be happier doing something I love, throughout the process and at the end.

From my ruled notebooks:
Lesson: Lines are boundaries only for the beginning.
Interpretation: Once I get the hang of something, I can decide how far to bend/break the rules.

From my autograph book:
Lesson: The chances of meeting a celebrity when actually carrying it are slim to none. The few autographs I’ve gotten are on the back of tickets that are now taped into the book.
Interpretation: Big things in life will happen when I’m not expecting them. And I’ll just have to make do with what I have at the moment.

From my textbooks(when studying for exams):
Lesson: Useful information can hide anywhere.
Interpretation: Sometimes I’ll have to sift through boredom and obligation to find out if something contains anything of importance/interest to me.

From my storybooks(this is an obvious one):
Lesson: There can be worlds pressed into pages.
Interpretation: I learnt about the power of the written word.

From my spiral bound notebook:
Lesson: The spiral links all the pages together.
Interpretation: The common element in all the things, places and people in my life is, well, me. This means they can be totally unrelated/different, but it will still be my life.

Signed,

A Bookworm