I live a different life when I’m with you.
When I go through periods of seeing you vividly it’s easy to question which life I walk in matters more.
When, in one, I can fly across endless grassy fields and fondly familiar places; when ease and intensity is the order every night, there is nothing I can compare it to. During such times, I am left with one unwavering thought. Life is as beautiful as you are. No more, no less.
When I think about how one would not exist without the other, it gets more complicated.
It gets worse when I come crashing down, into the wasteland of my own neglect. When I begin to hate reality with an undeserved bitterness, and I have to face the unreliable side of my little slice of heaven, there is nothing I want more than to loop the time we had together. Wipe my mind every time the cycle repeats itself, so you don’t lose your vitality and newness. And I can keep the danger of losing you at bay.
Some things are out of my control. You can be such an elusive creature at times. I admit, that’s part of your charm. But, the moment has come to bid adieu. I know a lot of people have missed you while you’ve spent the time with me.
This doesn’t mean I won’t see you every now and again. It just means I won’t depend on your promises and the hope you inspire. I don’t expect anything. And I promise to be surprised with every visit.